just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize