So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
