We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
