fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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