Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
