I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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