If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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