i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
