Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
