So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize