Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
