I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize