Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
