I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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