my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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