i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
