I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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