how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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