Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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