Yo dont text me then not text me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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