if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
