got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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