I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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