some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
