Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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