Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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