and you said cock pushups were impossible
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
