you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
