goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fuck appropriateness.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize