Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
