i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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