please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Please don't give away my fajitas
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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