I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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