mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
