Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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