I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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