Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
