i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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