Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
