I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
