Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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