Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
