Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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