I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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