"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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