I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
