Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
