my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
