You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
