I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She bit a glass in half.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize