Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
