The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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