my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
