So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
