I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
