The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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