I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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