Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
