I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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