But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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