I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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