I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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