He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
