no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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