I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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