i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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