How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
