i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
