Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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