life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
