I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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