My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
