I need to stop coming to work sober
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize