She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
