I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
