2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
