My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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