Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
