Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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