I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
