Is it normal to miss your booty call?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
