There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry my hands just texted you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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